January 22nd 1987  (Age 33)

LeAvE mE aLOnE iN tHiS dOOm oF miNe... oR tAkE mE wiTh yOu... tO yOUr hEavEn oR hELL

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Immortal Death and Agony

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Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Immortal Heart Chapter 1 Excerpt
I could see his red glowing eyes, beckoning me. In my head, he chanted, You are mine, you are mine, you are mine, you are mine…

Yes, I thought. Yes, I'm yours…

His hands touched my face. I saw a black mark on his inner wrist. It was a letter M. I didn't know what it meant. All I knew was: I'm only his.

Slowly, he tilted my head, exposing my delicate neck. The gesture was erotic as the cold breeze of the night touched the sensitive flesh of my throat. Then he lowered his head and planted a soft, cold kiss.

I gasped, wide-eyed when I felt a sudden pain. A stab of his fatal fangs. But I didn't care. I was his and nothing more. I was nothing. Floating into the endless abyss of darkness. Into the arms of oblivion. I was becoming nothing but his own. I was just nothing.

I could barely open my eyes when I realized that the dream was over. I was just dreaming, wasn't I? I tried to move but I realized I couldn't. I was sitting on a sidewalk bench, head dropped.

I was weak. So weak that I couldn't even move a finger. I could feel my faltering heartbeat—so weak and dying. I was dying. I was lost. I didn't know what had happened. All I knew was: I was going to the Elusive Bliss and—

He came, a young looking man who pulled my head up to face him and cradled me on his strong shoulder. Then to my dread and astonishment, he bit his wrist and pressed it to my almost dead lips.

"Drink," he said.

And so I did. I tasted his blood. Why did I do that? What was this man doing to me? I could barely see. And it hit me. He was a vampire and so with the man who drained me. I was drinking his vampire blood, trying to escape death. Who would have thought vampires are real? Memories—visions of him flooded my head.

Thursday, February 09, 2012
Withered Bridge
My heart is pounding, what's wrong with me?
Am I in the verge of loving you endlessly?
Am I falling in love to a person who doesn't love me?
A mere friend I am, what else I would be?

The mere message you sent cause my lips to curve a smile
As if we haven't seen each other for a while
Among other men, I would prefer to love you
Because you're real and I already know you

Is this a kind of story like the first one?
Wherein I fell in love with a lover of someone
That I fell in love with my dearest best friend
Although I know he was in love with my friend

Am I a strong bridge or a withered one?
Why do I feel this miserable feeling of being undone?
Why do I always suffer the same twist of fate?
I am here, why are you still looking for someone to date?

I feel pathetic and irrationally insane
Why did I let you run inside my brain?
Why did I let you enter my already closed heart?
You opened it once again, discovering my dreadful art…

Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Mere Fantasy [10]

I am dead, withered like the fallen leaves

Waiting when'll I be stepped by the thieves

Wanting to end this, this sorrow I feel

Wanting to know if this is just for real

Yes, you are indeed gone and it is real

As real as these metal bars of steel

But why do I cannot seem to steal

Away this hollow, emptiness I feel

Why cannot I just tear and rip you out

Off my ever damned heart and shout

That I no longer love you without doubt

And I've learned to figure everything out

But why you never even meant your words?

And why you never even bridged our worlds?

Why you never just said your sad goodbye?

Why you never ever just tell me why?

I believed you and that's a fool of me

You nev'r been here when I'm in agony

You never been here when I needed you

You never been here when I am in blue

So now, what is the use of just waiting?

What is the use of even just wasting?

My dear precious life and time for nothing

Because you never even did a thing

So where are you when I needed you most?

When I am drowned in despair and so lost

When my ever terrible life's at worse

You never even hear my cry and curse

How could I think I'm important to you?

What kind of fool I was to think you do?

How could I believed you indeed loved me

For you never did, just my fantasy...

Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Broken Pages: Jais's Side

            It pains him to leave her this way. But it was for the best that if he could find him, she would finally have justice and there would be peace among them. Although he could never hear her thoughts again, he knew the burden in her heart.

            Little pins of pain stabbed his heart one by one as he soared to the dark moonlit sky above, abandoning her.

            Yes, he abandoned his dearest and only fledgling but that was one of the hardest thing he had ever done in this immortal life of his.

            He might be a fool doing this but no one would ever do this if he would not. He really had to find that fiend.

            Such a relentless and soulless immortal! But did they have a soul? he wondered. Of course they do, it was just that their preternatural flesh imprisoned it, not letting it rest.

            For hours, he traveled, searching for his also elusive one, Master Lionel, wanting his guidance once again.

            He found him in a theater, enjoying a play named The Tragedy of Hamlet.

            “It’s a wonder to seek for my advice at this much unexpected time and place,” Master Lionel remarked. “Don’t you see I am in a middle of a play?”

            “Forgive me but I have to talk you at once, Master,” Jais replied apologetically.

            “Why in such a hurry, my brave one? What is it that you seek this time? You already have everything,” his master asked, eyes were still at the stage.

            Jais sighed. “No, not all. I am looking for the marked immortal,” he whispered so softly that only the two of them could hear.

            Master Lionel stood and started to leave. Jais followed and they went out of the theater together and decided to have a walk.

            “The Mordom Clan, I guess…” Lionel concluded. “But the only surviving one is an immortal named Lucien.”

            “Lucien…” Jais murmured. “I guess that’s him. He deliberately showed Rhain his dark mark when he was draining her, wanting it to be the last sight she would see before she died.”

            Lionel smiled. “Oh… so it is about Rhain all along.”

            Jais nodded.

            “Very well, he was created by someone stronger than me, directly. You can fight him but I must say that your strength is no match compared to him, although he was just about your age and could perish in sunlight if exposed at the first burst of its fatal rays.”

            Although stunned, Jais was determined to find and defeat him. “What shall I do then?”

            His master smiled. “Be stronger than him,” he declared.

            Jais frowned. “How?”

            “By seeking the blood of the known strongest among us, Master Stefan.”


            “But bear in mind that being stronger attracts more danger than you could have imagined. Evil immortals flocked around, waiting for the right time and the right immortal to kill.”

            “If that’s the only way for me to give her justice,” Jais declared.

            “But I cannot help you find him directly. Master Stefan wanted to be only visited by his trusted fellows.”

            “So how can I find him?”

            “By my master, Lucius…”

created 11/23/10 BUS to PLDT

Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Loyal. Neglected. Fool.

Damn it, I missed you so much… so terribly

I know I don’t have to, but it aches badly

As the day passed by, it tears my heart slowly

When can I see you again? I feel so lonely


This love should fade with time but it did not

I’ve been waiting for more than a year, have I not?

Am I going to rot in hell, waiting for you?

And shed my endless blood tears alone in this blue


I know I don’t deserve this kind of agony

You have no right to put me in this kind of misery

How could you have driven me in this melancholy?

I didn’t do anything but just to love you deeply


What kind of fool I am to let this happen to me?

I never deserve this state of being neglected and not free

I know I must be a damned fool to wait for you

You don’t deserve this kind of loyalty I’ve given you…

You Make Me Regret

How could I put myself in this helpless situation of loving you?

 You of all the people who have hurt and neglected me!

 Why do I suffer so much by just wanting to be happy?

 I should have listened to my brain; I won’t feel this agony


Everyday it hurts me to just think of you

 Especially when I recall all those happy moments

 I must admit that I feel so bitter in this feign abandonment

 But the pain is real, as real as my own sentiment


Now I still don’t know whether you’ll ever comeback

 Although you told me you won’t waste this second chance I’ve given you

 I badly wanted to believe you, I really do

 But in the back of my mind, I know I doubt it too


Remember those promises you utter and those caring act?

 But now what you’ve done to me was such a cruel thing

 I really ought to hate you for this sadness you bring

 I really do but what can I do was just to sing


You make me sing bitter songs of sorrow

 You make me cry as if there’s no tomorrow

 You make me regret that I paid attention to you

 You make me regret that I have loved you…

Will You Return to Me?


I can’t help myself not to feel unease

That the time is near that’ll end this bliss

This bliss should not fade but remain forever

But why do I think everything will be over?


I love you but should I even doubt you?

I don’t know, I’m confused and don’t know what to do

But I’m afraid to clear this special thing between us

I’m afraid that everything will end in a rush


I love you but why do I feel unloved by you

I don’t know if you are just busy or if everything is still true

You said you love me but why do I feel you’re ignoring me

Do you really intend this or just unintentionally neglecting me?


Should I remain on hold in this uncommitted love?

That I have nothing but your words and the Above

But whatever happens, I’ll stay here tied and not free

Until you return to, I don’t know if to me…

I Still Do Love You


Why there’s a pain in my heart?

Even that I want to hate you

Why I still have these feelings for you?

Even that I have looking for another too


So bad as it hurts

There’s nothing I can do

I cannot change the way I feel

I cannot fool myself even if I don’t tell


How can I pull myself out of this feeling?

The feeling of despair with no one to care

How could I even stop myself to long for you?

Even that you don’t love me the way I do!


How can I fall in love for someone?

If you’re still the one

How can I force myself to hate you?

If I still do love you!

My Heart's Death


Blood was drifting away from my veins

As you see me in agony and pain

How could this love be so cruel?

How could my love for you is fatal?


Love can hurt

Love can kill

Love took my heart

And its death seems so real


Clouds was crying blood

Mourning for my heart’s death

My life was a wreck with flood

My heart lost its every beat


My mournful soul still with you

I lost my life because of loving you

The sky was bleeding as my heart did

My heart was dead and unexpectedly buried…

Thursday, September 02, 2010

            I kissed his lips, tenderly at first, then more passionately as he responded to me. I caressed his hard chest, down to his stomach and rake my fingernails upwards, just gentle enough to cause him pain but not to draw blood.

            I moved down to his handsome throat, licking and sucking him until he moaned in pleasure. His blood pumped faster as his heart intensified its beating.

            He moaned and moaned against my hair, absolutely liking what I was doing. I felt his desire in me inflamed for he cupped my face up and sought for my lips.

            His kisses intensified. He let his tongue sought mine and taste the warm wetness inside.

            I departed his lips and traveled down across his throat and then down to his naked chest. I sucked on his erect nipples as he would have sucked mine, if I wanted to. But I don’t want to pleasure myself. I want him to soar higher into the crest of cloud to heaven before I finally drag him to his hell.

            I felt his heart beat against my lips and its pulse was like those little tiny drums that would be off later.


            Just let him feel heaven. It would be heaven in my arms before hell through my fangs.

            I sucked while I pinched the other one. I sucked even harder that I almost thought it would draw blood.



            Just let it pump in his veins, let it breathe into his heart before I personally halt its beat.



            Just let it him fall into the dark desire of me. Just let him lust after my body while I lust for his blood—or life.


            I will take it all later.

            I sat on his lap and kissed his hungry mouth again. I moaned against him, both in pleasure and in agony.


            Just a minute of it, I’ll endure. I’ll have bliss later.

            I traced his throat down again with my wandering lips and sought for the vein that will bring me bliss.



            I sank in my fangs, let the blood overwhelmed my mouth and throat as I sucked skillfully, bringing him to this ecstasy of death only a vampire could bring.

            I drained him, sucking on his beautiful throat, filling my head with his memories of the past; including his feelings of pleasure I brought to him.

            I sucked until there was nothing left from his throat and I felt his heart yield to its death.

            I sank a fingernail on his chest and let it ran down until enough blood welled from it. I caught every drop of blood, not wasting any of it.

            His head was thrown back. His arms lay limped, dangling from his body. I sealed both wounds in his chest and throat and stood up.

            I picked up my clothes, dressed up and headed to the door.

            That was just bliss after bloodlust…



created: 082309

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